I ate some cheesecake, I really shouldn't have. I didn't fold the laundry, I really should have. I went shopping and bought some things for me, I shouldn't have spent that money. On and on it goes, guilt for things that aren't bad or evil. This is guilt of not measuring up to my own (or a relative's or friend's) superior standards. Yes, it is good to try to better myself, but with some things like cheesecake and laundry, where no matter how much I think I should or shouldn't, the guilt doesn't change my decision in the end.
I finally decided recently, I love cheesecake, I'm not gonna deny myself! I'm gonna eat it and be happy about it, guilt-free. The same with the laundry. When somebody comes over, I pick up the house, but if there are three baskets of laundry unfolded, they just get thrown behind a closed door. But this isn't really a matter of letting it all go. It's more like picking the things that are less important to worry about and deciding to stand firm in my decision to do or not do them. Food, for instance: it's easy for me to turn down chips and greasy things, but I'm not going to torture myself! If my favorite ice cream is in the freezer, you'd better believe I'll be looking for it as soon as the kids are in bed. And with my house, especially while my kids are extremely hands-on and I don't regularly have a whole hour at a time to devote to a project (organizing that storage room), some things are gonna get cut from my to-do list. I have to make my peace with that. I do not need to kick myself around the house feeling guilty because I've prioritized playing with my kids above mopping the floor once a week. And even though the house is not super clean, I will go out occasionally and I will buy myself things occasionally.
Self-made guilt does not need to run my outlook on life. I think I'm going to figure out what is important and focus on those things one at a time. Right now my top priorities are keeping the kitchen clean and playing with the kids one on one more often. Once I make those things regular and habitual, I will add a couple more to the list. Until then, I'm going to do my best to not feel guilty about the rest.
Well said and so like your mother, and countless other women through the ages. We juggle our priorities every day according to what is happening in our lives. The dishes will eventually get done and clothes will get folded or worn straight from the basket. But children pass from one growth spurt to the next whether you're watching or not. Have fun with them while you are savoring your cheesecake!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mom, I must say I appreciate that you left the laundry and played beauty parlor and art class with me, we had lots of fun together!
ReplyDeleteAs a side note to this whole priorities idea, I realized that sometimes priories can collide. For instance, some days when I desperately need to clean and also haven't spent enough time with the kids lately, I will try to do both at the same time. A three-year-old can help set the table or "sweep" the floor, maybe even fold washcloths, and is pleased with himself for being able to do it. He needs supervision and slows me down a bit, but then he is not off in a room alone that way. Including a one-year-old can be harder, but I talk to and laugh with her while I'm working for some interaction.
ReplyDeleteIt's true, they don't crave our attention for very long, and I'm going to be broken-hearted when they stop asking to play with me!