Just a few days ago was the first showing of Elf (yes, the Christmas movie) at my house. I know it's a little early in October for that, but I love the magic feeling that Christmas brings. I had so much fun watching with the kids and the hubby, laughing and remembering what Christmas felt like when I was younger. I think most people reach an age or a time when they wonder, What ever happened to that "Christmas Spirit" feeling I had as a kid?
We try to calculate a formula as to what exactly it was that brought it out. Put in the Bing Crosby record, find that one scented candle you remember, set out homemade nativities from grade school. One year after we had grown, my siblings and I actually broke into a fight about what garland to put on the tree and what music counts as Christmas music--my Beach Boys Christmas music did not make the list.
It's that magical feeling, where did it go? I smell hints of it when I am with my kids, when they smile at me because they know they just did something impressive, or when they sing a new song. When my husband sees that I need a break and takes me away from it all for just a little while, even though I feel like I really don't deserve it at the time, that feeling comes back. Like getting a present in the mail from an uncle, my family is a surprise that I wasn't expecting.
When God saw his people suffering a long time ago, he came down here himself, even though he was a god. He came to give us all something we longed for, love. Love that we don't feel like we really deserve. He even took the time to guide us while he was here. For three years he told us things to help us live healthier, happier lives, kind of like an uncle. God showed us what it means to be family, what love is supposed to look like.
Now when I look for that magic feeling, I look to my kids, to my husband, and to my God. Love is the reason for the season. And we can spread that feeling to others by showing love. But, of course, it doesn't hurt to turn on Elf and decorate the tree to help the kids get that magical feeling, too. : D
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Cinderella Never had to Apologize
There have been a few youngins who have asked me about marriage, what it is like, and if I have any advice. "Oh! Yes!" I say, I love giving advice. (Sorry to those who did not want it!) I already have a mental lecture put together for just such the occasion. Here are four serious things that anyone married or getting married should probably consider. Unfortunately they do not all start with the same letter.
1. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Your spouse/future spouse is human. We cannot expect perfection from them. Surprise! This seems obvious, but after watching Cinderella, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, etc., our brains are programmed to expect constant happiness, security, and star-stricken obsessive love for us, all coming from this magical person we found singing in the forest. But there is nothing about the human condition that allows for constant happiness, nothing about this dog-eat-dog world that allows for perfect security, and no matter how awesome I think I am, my spouse is going to have days, weeks, or you know, longer... where I'm not their favorite person. Which brings me to my next point:
2. Apologize Apologize APOLOGIZE!
Especially when I first got married, I would grit my teeth and force myself to at least mumble an apology, until I got better at it where I would actually say it audibly. It seemed like I was doing this twice a day or more at first, and I'm probably just getting lazy now, but I never fail to amaze myself at how horribly selfish I can be (family is not allowed to comment here). Sometimes the thing I am apologizing for seems unimportant to me, small, unnecessary to apologize for. But here's the kicker: he has a different opinion than me! Whoa. So, it's like a pebble in the shoe, even though it is small, if I don't get it out of there, it's going to keep rubbing. Then so will all those other pebbles, over years of wear, eventually destroying both the foot and the shoe. It is never too late to remove them. "Hey, sorry I always take the last of the ice cream, I know that bugs you, do you want it this time?" or even, "do you want to share it with me this time?" If you can't go all the way, compromise.
3. "I do everything around here!"
Guess who else is thinking that? The idea is that each spouse is supposed to do 50%. But somebody told me once that if you don't feel like you're doing 90%, you probably aren't doing enough. Keep an eye on that other person and see what they are doing, it is probably different than what you do, because they probably think different things are important. Well, here we are again with the fact that they have a different opinion. Weird. The thing you've been stewing about for twelve years, they didn't even know they were doing because it wasn't important to them, so maybe instead of getting bitter, you should:
4. Tell them.
On television, there's always the girl who shouts, "If you don't know what you did wrong, then that's even worse!" still leaving the guy bewildered, and to his knowledge, innocent. Maybe your spouse grew up in a house where dishes were done immediately after the meal, and you were brought up in a house where you do them as the food is cooking, before the meal. (Disclaimer: If anyone I know has this issue, I'm not talking about you, I didn't know you had this issue) So when the dishes lay there until the next meal, your spouse gets aggravated, but you don't know what all the crankiness is about. But by the next meal, the bad mood has lifted, so you come to the conclusion that when they are cranky, feed them and they will perk up! Talk about confusing! If this were my problem, I would prefer my spouse approach me and say, "could we do the dishes right after we eat?" Note the word "we" there. When you ask someone to go out of their way and change, it's a good idea to pitch in, at least at first. I might actually agree to do that, even though I don't want to, since he was nice about it. If he mumbled loudly from the living room, "that kitchen stinks!" I would definitely go do something else in a room where he is not, and be mad at him for the rest of the night, hurt by his frank criticism. (which, by the way, is completely unlike my husband) Tell them the problem before you are mad or bitter about it, and think really hard about how you could say it without stabbing them in the heart. A side note: it takes a long time to build or break old habits, so don't expect obvious improvement right away, you may have to ask nicely again and again.
In summary, your spouse is fallible, your spouse is not you, and your spouse cannot read minds. Hmm. Something to think about.
1. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Your spouse/future spouse is human. We cannot expect perfection from them. Surprise! This seems obvious, but after watching Cinderella, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, etc., our brains are programmed to expect constant happiness, security, and star-stricken obsessive love for us, all coming from this magical person we found singing in the forest. But there is nothing about the human condition that allows for constant happiness, nothing about this dog-eat-dog world that allows for perfect security, and no matter how awesome I think I am, my spouse is going to have days, weeks, or you know, longer... where I'm not their favorite person. Which brings me to my next point:
2. Apologize Apologize APOLOGIZE!
Especially when I first got married, I would grit my teeth and force myself to at least mumble an apology, until I got better at it where I would actually say it audibly. It seemed like I was doing this twice a day or more at first, and I'm probably just getting lazy now, but I never fail to amaze myself at how horribly selfish I can be (family is not allowed to comment here). Sometimes the thing I am apologizing for seems unimportant to me, small, unnecessary to apologize for. But here's the kicker: he has a different opinion than me! Whoa. So, it's like a pebble in the shoe, even though it is small, if I don't get it out of there, it's going to keep rubbing. Then so will all those other pebbles, over years of wear, eventually destroying both the foot and the shoe. It is never too late to remove them. "Hey, sorry I always take the last of the ice cream, I know that bugs you, do you want it this time?" or even, "do you want to share it with me this time?" If you can't go all the way, compromise.
3. "I do everything around here!"
Guess who else is thinking that? The idea is that each spouse is supposed to do 50%. But somebody told me once that if you don't feel like you're doing 90%, you probably aren't doing enough. Keep an eye on that other person and see what they are doing, it is probably different than what you do, because they probably think different things are important. Well, here we are again with the fact that they have a different opinion. Weird. The thing you've been stewing about for twelve years, they didn't even know they were doing because it wasn't important to them, so maybe instead of getting bitter, you should:
4. Tell them.
On television, there's always the girl who shouts, "If you don't know what you did wrong, then that's even worse!" still leaving the guy bewildered, and to his knowledge, innocent. Maybe your spouse grew up in a house where dishes were done immediately after the meal, and you were brought up in a house where you do them as the food is cooking, before the meal. (Disclaimer: If anyone I know has this issue, I'm not talking about you, I didn't know you had this issue) So when the dishes lay there until the next meal, your spouse gets aggravated, but you don't know what all the crankiness is about. But by the next meal, the bad mood has lifted, so you come to the conclusion that when they are cranky, feed them and they will perk up! Talk about confusing! If this were my problem, I would prefer my spouse approach me and say, "could we do the dishes right after we eat?" Note the word "we" there. When you ask someone to go out of their way and change, it's a good idea to pitch in, at least at first. I might actually agree to do that, even though I don't want to, since he was nice about it. If he mumbled loudly from the living room, "that kitchen stinks!" I would definitely go do something else in a room where he is not, and be mad at him for the rest of the night, hurt by his frank criticism. (which, by the way, is completely unlike my husband) Tell them the problem before you are mad or bitter about it, and think really hard about how you could say it without stabbing them in the heart. A side note: it takes a long time to build or break old habits, so don't expect obvious improvement right away, you may have to ask nicely again and again.
In summary, your spouse is fallible, your spouse is not you, and your spouse cannot read minds. Hmm. Something to think about.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
My Hand at Fiction
Terrified by the mystery that lay ahead, but pressing on, an old man made his way across an endless desert. Family in tow, carrying various livestock animals and pushing the rest forward, this man was headstrong. Something better was on the other side of all this dust and sand, and even if he never reached it, perhaps his family would.
Last night at the camp they had made, his wife had lost her calm. The tents nearby knew it. He had a lump on his head from something flung in the dark, and now the subservient lack of eye contact among those following him was for yet another reason. To walk for days, weeks, without a visible mark of progress had been a trying test to these people. If it were not for the memory of the encounter that caused this expedition, he would have turned back long ago. But now, he could not remember if it were an encounter or only a dream. Even so, a dream would have been enough to move him to such a place, if not only for the hope of such a place. Things would be so much easier there, with lush vegetation, fresh cool water--the water alone kept him going now! His children and grandchildren would laugh and play together. He could offer them cakes and milk.
He turned to look at those children and grandchildren. They were worse than before. But when a god comes down, uses his own voice and speaks, one does not second guess. He does as he's told. The gods that his father had taught him to serve never seemed to take notice of the people down here. Only by trial and error of various gifts to each god told the people how to persuade them to release the waters or heal the sick. But this, directly speaking to a man, this was monumental. One does not ignore a voice like that, especially when promises are made.
Hopefully this was a trustworthy god, not one who toyed with the people and watched them suffer. He tried not to think of that possibility, because even if this was a cruel god, choosing to do as he says would be wiser than going against him.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Clever
When my mom was reading me a picture book not terribly long ago, we met a character called "The Clever Fox." Of course I asked her what it meant to be clever, and I believe she said it meant "smart and sneaky". Now, sneaky doesn't always have to be bad, it can also lend the ability to catch others off guard or simply surprise them. This is something I am being reminded on a fairly regular basis, especially this year.
In the hospital three years ago, when they handed me my son, he looked me straight in the eye and seemed to size me up. Oh no! I thought, he's already smarter than me! I hadn't expected this so soon! I did prepare myself for the possibility that my children would grow up and go to school longer than me or be wiser in some way, or perhaps outsmart me a time or two. But starting from birth?! No! How would I ever train him up to be a good person if he could outsmart me from birth?! I think that before becoming a mother, I assumed that the child would already know who was boss when he or she arrived. Not so! (all parents please stop laughing!) Every child hits phases where they try different things to see what works, but beware, it is not just a phase, it will stay until you sweep it out. Some kids push harder than others, each using his or her most talented method, be it cleverness, tantrums, or I didn't hear you. I don't have any recommendations for anybody aside from get to know your child.
My son is going to be an actor. Early on we taught him to do happy and sad faces, mad and surprised faces. My favorite is when he pretends to be cold and has some convincing shivers. I'm starting to rethink my encouragement on this activity! Today, when my son seemed so sad and pitiful that I almost gave in, I noticed how he seemed to be watching me behind the frown, twitching cheeks and downward glances. I looked him in the eye and said, "that's a pretty good sad face." He looked up and smiled his proudest smile. Haha! He's three! We in the adult world don't give enough credit to these youngest children, their intelligence, quickness and cleverness. It should be obvious, they learn to speak a foreign language starting at age one!
We had a cookout tonight, ending in ice cream cones. After making my boy finish his hot dog bun and handing him a cone, I set the open box of ice cream right next to him. (duh, mom!) This kid would lick the ice cream out of the cone and not eat the cone--a sticky process. Well this irritated me, so I explained how he should be eating it, and then went to put the hot dog buns away only to find in the bag a wadded up half-bun with ketchup smeared in it. "Ugh! We'll let it pass tonight, since we're having so much fun," I say to my husband.
Then, noticing my son had more ice cream in his cone, perplexed, my hubby laughs. "He's using his cone as a scoop!"
Never underestimate the cleverness of kids!
In the hospital three years ago, when they handed me my son, he looked me straight in the eye and seemed to size me up. Oh no! I thought, he's already smarter than me! I hadn't expected this so soon! I did prepare myself for the possibility that my children would grow up and go to school longer than me or be wiser in some way, or perhaps outsmart me a time or two. But starting from birth?! No! How would I ever train him up to be a good person if he could outsmart me from birth?! I think that before becoming a mother, I assumed that the child would already know who was boss when he or she arrived. Not so! (all parents please stop laughing!) Every child hits phases where they try different things to see what works, but beware, it is not just a phase, it will stay until you sweep it out. Some kids push harder than others, each using his or her most talented method, be it cleverness, tantrums, or I didn't hear you. I don't have any recommendations for anybody aside from get to know your child.
My son is going to be an actor. Early on we taught him to do happy and sad faces, mad and surprised faces. My favorite is when he pretends to be cold and has some convincing shivers. I'm starting to rethink my encouragement on this activity! Today, when my son seemed so sad and pitiful that I almost gave in, I noticed how he seemed to be watching me behind the frown, twitching cheeks and downward glances. I looked him in the eye and said, "that's a pretty good sad face." He looked up and smiled his proudest smile. Haha! He's three! We in the adult world don't give enough credit to these youngest children, their intelligence, quickness and cleverness. It should be obvious, they learn to speak a foreign language starting at age one!
We had a cookout tonight, ending in ice cream cones. After making my boy finish his hot dog bun and handing him a cone, I set the open box of ice cream right next to him. (duh, mom!) This kid would lick the ice cream out of the cone and not eat the cone--a sticky process. Well this irritated me, so I explained how he should be eating it, and then went to put the hot dog buns away only to find in the bag a wadded up half-bun with ketchup smeared in it. "Ugh! We'll let it pass tonight, since we're having so much fun," I say to my husband.
Then, noticing my son had more ice cream in his cone, perplexed, my hubby laughs. "He's using his cone as a scoop!"
Never underestimate the cleverness of kids!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Searching in the Dark
With the drapes pulled tight,
and the door securely locked,
frantically I search the house,
looking for my socks.
Was that all I needed?
Is this all I want?
There was something else,
wasn't there?
I guess I don't know what.
The lights are dim,
the music's low,
and now,
so is my heart.
What am I searching for?
I think I used to know.
Climbing sideways up the mountain
is the hardest part.
and the door securely locked,
frantically I search the house,
looking for my socks.
Was that all I needed?
Is this all I want?
There was something else,
wasn't there?
I guess I don't know what.
The lights are dim,
the music's low,
and now,
so is my heart.
What am I searching for?
I think I used to know.
Climbing sideways up the mountain
is the hardest part.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Quarter-Life Crisis
I almost went to bed, but thought this article was severely important for most people my age. We bought a Relevant Magazine today with some encouragement for the people somewhat new to the real world.
What To Know at 25ish: 11 Proven Ways to Avoid a Quarter-Life Crisis
What To Know at 25ish: 11 Proven Ways to Avoid a Quarter-Life Crisis
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
From the Moon
My baby girl is walking and trying to run all over now. I call this second year, The Year of Perpetual Head Bruises. It never fails, as soon as one dent heals, another takes its place, if not before. She comes running to me after the pavement makes its mark and wants to be squeezed. I try to squeeze out all the pain, but in reality, me hugging her will do nothing for the pain. But alas, it does help her to feel better.
Right now, in this dirty world full of selfishness and carelessness, people are getting hurt. It is a time of perpetual pain. Yes, there are good times, too, like as soon as I set my baby down she takes off running happily again. And of course, life is easier or harder for different people in different situations. But while we are here, bad and horrible things will happen. During those times, we need to run to our comforter for a squeeze.
Psalms 59:17
Lots of different religions and philosophies encourage meditating, clearing the mind, or even just taking a break from whatever is bothersome. But nothing beats just sitting quietly next to a good friend. For some reason, God has not whisked us away to heaven yet, where there are no tears, but until then, he is there to hold our hand (or toss a football, if you prefer) to help us make it through. I often imagine myself sitting with God on the moon, looking down on the frail world we live in. Escaping from time and space, as if it is only a memory. I only need a few minutes with a Good Friend to take a break, get a hug, then say, ok, it's time to jump back in.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Self-Made Guilt
I ate some cheesecake, I really shouldn't have. I didn't fold the laundry, I really should have. I went shopping and bought some things for me, I shouldn't have spent that money. On and on it goes, guilt for things that aren't bad or evil. This is guilt of not measuring up to my own (or a relative's or friend's) superior standards. Yes, it is good to try to better myself, but with some things like cheesecake and laundry, where no matter how much I think I should or shouldn't, the guilt doesn't change my decision in the end.
I finally decided recently, I love cheesecake, I'm not gonna deny myself! I'm gonna eat it and be happy about it, guilt-free. The same with the laundry. When somebody comes over, I pick up the house, but if there are three baskets of laundry unfolded, they just get thrown behind a closed door. But this isn't really a matter of letting it all go. It's more like picking the things that are less important to worry about and deciding to stand firm in my decision to do or not do them. Food, for instance: it's easy for me to turn down chips and greasy things, but I'm not going to torture myself! If my favorite ice cream is in the freezer, you'd better believe I'll be looking for it as soon as the kids are in bed. And with my house, especially while my kids are extremely hands-on and I don't regularly have a whole hour at a time to devote to a project (organizing that storage room), some things are gonna get cut from my to-do list. I have to make my peace with that. I do not need to kick myself around the house feeling guilty because I've prioritized playing with my kids above mopping the floor once a week. And even though the house is not super clean, I will go out occasionally and I will buy myself things occasionally.
Self-made guilt does not need to run my outlook on life. I think I'm going to figure out what is important and focus on those things one at a time. Right now my top priorities are keeping the kitchen clean and playing with the kids one on one more often. Once I make those things regular and habitual, I will add a couple more to the list. Until then, I'm going to do my best to not feel guilty about the rest.
I finally decided recently, I love cheesecake, I'm not gonna deny myself! I'm gonna eat it and be happy about it, guilt-free. The same with the laundry. When somebody comes over, I pick up the house, but if there are three baskets of laundry unfolded, they just get thrown behind a closed door. But this isn't really a matter of letting it all go. It's more like picking the things that are less important to worry about and deciding to stand firm in my decision to do or not do them. Food, for instance: it's easy for me to turn down chips and greasy things, but I'm not going to torture myself! If my favorite ice cream is in the freezer, you'd better believe I'll be looking for it as soon as the kids are in bed. And with my house, especially while my kids are extremely hands-on and I don't regularly have a whole hour at a time to devote to a project (organizing that storage room), some things are gonna get cut from my to-do list. I have to make my peace with that. I do not need to kick myself around the house feeling guilty because I've prioritized playing with my kids above mopping the floor once a week. And even though the house is not super clean, I will go out occasionally and I will buy myself things occasionally.
Self-made guilt does not need to run my outlook on life. I think I'm going to figure out what is important and focus on those things one at a time. Right now my top priorities are keeping the kitchen clean and playing with the kids one on one more often. Once I make those things regular and habitual, I will add a couple more to the list. Until then, I'm going to do my best to not feel guilty about the rest.
Monday, April 25, 2011
PANCAKES!!
A woman a couple generations before me told me awhile back, "I've never made pancakes in my life." It was hard to hide my surprise. I was appalled! This is unbiblical, I thought. I wanted to quote scripture to her:
Can'tst thou not make pancakes for thine own family? How must thou make thy family happy?
Revelation 152:8 (because it does seem like the end times in this situation)
I looove pancakes and cannot imagine life without them, therefore I must share this gospel with all people, both Jews and Gentiles. I, after much tinkering, have developed the best pancakes ever. Here is my recipe:
1 and 1/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 Tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup milk
Spray medium hot pan with pam spray or similar and flip pancakes when bubbly or light brown on bottom. They get pretty fluffy, so watch out for that. Sometimes I add 2 tablespoons mini chocolate chips for fun, or half of a mashed banana with a pinch of cinnamon. Diced apples (1/3 cup) with cinnamon are also good.
Can'tst thou not make pancakes for thine own family? How must thou make thy family happy?
Revelation 152:8 (because it does seem like the end times in this situation)
I looove pancakes and cannot imagine life without them, therefore I must share this gospel with all people, both Jews and Gentiles. I, after much tinkering, have developed the best pancakes ever. Here is my recipe:
1 and 1/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 Tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup milk
Spray medium hot pan with pam spray or similar and flip pancakes when bubbly or light brown on bottom. They get pretty fluffy, so watch out for that. Sometimes I add 2 tablespoons mini chocolate chips for fun, or half of a mashed banana with a pinch of cinnamon. Diced apples (1/3 cup) with cinnamon are also good.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Dreams vs. What I Really Want
More than ten years ago in high school, I had a teacher ask the class to write a list of where they expected to be in ten years. Naturally, I wrote down married, have successful job, own a home, have at least two kids, two new cars, and a dog. Everything would be figured out, all decisions would have already been made, I would be settled.
All throughout grade school, people tell kids that they can do anything they want to if they just work hard enough and never give up. That may be true in some cases, but there's always the artist who really wants to see Mars, or the mild-tempered sweetheart who wants to be a lawyer. Sometimes these things just won't happen. One huge factor left out when people say to "reach for the stars" is personal values. Each person has a hierarchy of values that sometimes make other things more important than dreams.
For instance, I have wanted to start a business probably since sixth grade. In seventh grade I was drawing up plans and figuring costs to start a coffee shop, formal wear store, summer camp, etc. Then after college I had a short internship where my eyes were opened: I would have to be there at the business for at least 12 hours a day, I would have to do customer service, and I would be doing a job that most people get paid maybe $10 an hour for, only instead owe the bank several thousand dollars. My dad once said to me, "owning a business isn't for everyone, some people like to clock out at 5:00 and head home." At the time, I thought, those are silly people! But now that I've been out in the world for awhile, I realize that I place great value in being able to go home and have down time.
I think a better exercise to give kids direction would be to make a list of values. Now, in high school, those may not be figured out yet, but it sure doesn't hurt to do it now! Here is what I wrote down for my list of highest values:
1. Free time/Family time every day.
2. Ability to be a stay-at-home Mom while my kids are young.
3. Nearness to extended family.
4. Ability to put my creativity to use on a regular basis.
5. Feeling useful and fulfilled in my job and at home.
6. Ability to help someone somehow.
What do you value the most?
All throughout grade school, people tell kids that they can do anything they want to if they just work hard enough and never give up. That may be true in some cases, but there's always the artist who really wants to see Mars, or the mild-tempered sweetheart who wants to be a lawyer. Sometimes these things just won't happen. One huge factor left out when people say to "reach for the stars" is personal values. Each person has a hierarchy of values that sometimes make other things more important than dreams.
For instance, I have wanted to start a business probably since sixth grade. In seventh grade I was drawing up plans and figuring costs to start a coffee shop, formal wear store, summer camp, etc. Then after college I had a short internship where my eyes were opened: I would have to be there at the business for at least 12 hours a day, I would have to do customer service, and I would be doing a job that most people get paid maybe $10 an hour for, only instead owe the bank several thousand dollars. My dad once said to me, "owning a business isn't for everyone, some people like to clock out at 5:00 and head home." At the time, I thought, those are silly people! But now that I've been out in the world for awhile, I realize that I place great value in being able to go home and have down time.
I think a better exercise to give kids direction would be to make a list of values. Now, in high school, those may not be figured out yet, but it sure doesn't hurt to do it now! Here is what I wrote down for my list of highest values:
1. Free time/Family time every day.
2. Ability to be a stay-at-home Mom while my kids are young.
3. Nearness to extended family.
4. Ability to put my creativity to use on a regular basis.
5. Feeling useful and fulfilled in my job and at home.
6. Ability to help someone somehow.
What do you value the most?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
$80 Food Budget per MONTH
Last time I went grocery shopping and tried to not bug out my eyes when the cashier told me the grand total, I reminisced back to our first year of marriage when I budgeted $80 on food per month. Then I wondered, What in the world did we eat?! Now since I'm one of those crazies who remembers prices on things long-term, here is an example of some things we may have bought in one month:
$15 10 pounds pork ribs (sale item in a giant frozen box)
$20 10 pounds hamburger patties (again, frozen box)
$ 6 10 pounds chicken hindquarters (a bulk bag hiding under the pricey chicken)
$ 3 6 cans green beans
$ 4 4 one-pound bags frozen veggies
$ 3 10 pounds potatoes
$ 0.5 one dozen eggs
$ 1 gross white bread
$ 1 hamburger buns
$ 2.5 gallon of milk
$ 1 one pound rice
$ 3 3 pound bag of apples
$ 60 TOTAL is that right?
Then the remaining $20 would be used on things throughout the month like milk, eggs, oreos or ice cream. Keep in mind, there were only two of us, and this was six years ago before the economy went downhill. Also, you'll notice that the meat is mostly that which is still on the bone and not as healthy (chicken breast is less fatty than chicken hindquarters, etc.). But, Americans tend to eat twice as much meat as is really necessary, and when there is a bone in it and therefore there's work in eating it, we are less likely to eat as much.
Another trick I need to bring back into practice is this: figure my food budget before making my list. This way I won't make the list,then decide I must have everything and throw up my hands, saying "I guess we're going to spend $300 on food." Once the budget is set, then I make the list, buying things that will act as ingredients in several meals, such as rice for fried rice and turkey rice soup. After the list is finished, I add up how much it will cost, then start eliminating things that aren't necessary until it works into the budget. For example, real butter is $3, but margarine is $1, so I sadly forfeit the butter (I try not to make eye contact with it in the store). I also aim to save about 20% of my budget for milk and other impulse necessities bought throughout the month.
My husband and I have an addiction to eating out, and I've learned that keeping frozen pizza, lunch meat and burritos in stock can save us lots of money. This month I actually quit buying the instant food because we'd been eating it so much, and ended up eating out way more than normal. Feeling guilty about not cooking is not as bad as feeling guilty about not cooking and also loosing lots of money. It's fine to eat out, but it does need to be limited.
Of course $80 a month is not possible right now, especially with two extra munchers in the family, but I sure could be spending less than I am now.
$15 10 pounds pork ribs (sale item in a giant frozen box)
$20 10 pounds hamburger patties (again, frozen box)
$ 6 10 pounds chicken hindquarters (a bulk bag hiding under the pricey chicken)
$ 3 6 cans green beans
$ 4 4 one-pound bags frozen veggies
$ 3 10 pounds potatoes
$ 0.5 one dozen eggs
$ 1 gross white bread
$ 1 hamburger buns
$ 2.5 gallon of milk
$ 1 one pound rice
$ 3 3 pound bag of apples
$ 60 TOTAL is that right?
Then the remaining $20 would be used on things throughout the month like milk, eggs, oreos or ice cream. Keep in mind, there were only two of us, and this was six years ago before the economy went downhill. Also, you'll notice that the meat is mostly that which is still on the bone and not as healthy (chicken breast is less fatty than chicken hindquarters, etc.). But, Americans tend to eat twice as much meat as is really necessary, and when there is a bone in it and therefore there's work in eating it, we are less likely to eat as much.
Another trick I need to bring back into practice is this: figure my food budget before making my list. This way I won't make the list,then decide I must have everything and throw up my hands, saying "I guess we're going to spend $300 on food." Once the budget is set, then I make the list, buying things that will act as ingredients in several meals, such as rice for fried rice and turkey rice soup. After the list is finished, I add up how much it will cost, then start eliminating things that aren't necessary until it works into the budget. For example, real butter is $3, but margarine is $1, so I sadly forfeit the butter (I try not to make eye contact with it in the store). I also aim to save about 20% of my budget for milk and other impulse necessities bought throughout the month.
My husband and I have an addiction to eating out, and I've learned that keeping frozen pizza, lunch meat and burritos in stock can save us lots of money. This month I actually quit buying the instant food because we'd been eating it so much, and ended up eating out way more than normal. Feeling guilty about not cooking is not as bad as feeling guilty about not cooking and also loosing lots of money. It's fine to eat out, but it does need to be limited.
Of course $80 a month is not possible right now, especially with two extra munchers in the family, but I sure could be spending less than I am now.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Movie Review: Life as We Know It
For anyone who is considering having kids or has one in the oven, or even for anyone who is in the midst of child-rearing, this movie could be helpful and encouraging. It seems to capture the real emotion involved in having a kid for the for the first time. For some reason, I always feel good to know that other parents don't know everything before the child arrives!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Mind of My Own
My son is my sweetheart. He can be caught doing nice things for me like setting the table, finding his jacket, and putting his trucks away. He's three years old and he loves to help. Just a couple days ago, he and I woke up earlier than normal along with his little sister, who recently learned to walk. We have a rather lengthy bathroom routine in the morning and I am usually last, of course. So when I came out of the bathroom, I heard my boy shouting, "No, baby! You will fall! No! You will fall!" Panicked, I ran to the kitchen to find the baby sitting at the top of sixteen stairs with Big Brother pushing her the other way. The door by the stairs had been left open the night before and in my sleepy haze I hadn't thought to check it before letting the kids loose in the house. So I thanked him profusely and called him a hero. When his dad woke up he said, "Daddy, I'm a superhero!"
All that being said, you'll also note that he is three, which means that in the last six months has acquired a mind of his own. He has things he wants to do and is adapting to my methods of preventing him from doing them. He also has his own toys that his sister should never touch, some of these toys happen to be hers. It is a constant learning process for all of us, this "thinking on his own" thing. But I always tell him, "I love you so much, and I will always love you no matter what you do or what happens." It does not matter what horrible thing he could do or get into, I will still love him with the same intensity that I do now. Now, I will grieve for what he is doing, if it is hurting himself or others, but I will still love him and will always welcome him home and take him in when he needs it.. My greatest fear is that something terrible could happen to him (or his sister, of course), and when he is naughty, I am afraid he is heading down the path of bad decisions, which would eventually mean self-harm.
In the same way, we are all God's children. I don't mean all Evangelists or all Methodists, or even all Christians. He made all of us and wants the best for all of us, no matter how far we run in the other direction or blatantly disregard his rules that he set to keep us safe (don't jump on the couch, don't hit your sister, don't drink rubbing alcohol). But he did offer us the option of not accepting him. I really really don't want my son to say, "Mom, I'm moving to Australia because I hate you and I never want to see you again." It would absolutely just kill me if he did that, but I would have to let him. He is a person separate from me with a mind of his own. But you had better believe that the moment he returns to the States, shows up at my house and asks for a hug or just a handshake, I sure the heck would let him.
God loves us as his own children. He will always, always take us in, no matter what. Even if all we are ready for right now is a handshake, God will take us up on that.
Mark 2:13-17 (The Message Bible)
Later Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become his followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: "What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riffraff?"
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit."
All that being said, you'll also note that he is three, which means that in the last six months has acquired a mind of his own. He has things he wants to do and is adapting to my methods of preventing him from doing them. He also has his own toys that his sister should never touch, some of these toys happen to be hers. It is a constant learning process for all of us, this "thinking on his own" thing. But I always tell him, "I love you so much, and I will always love you no matter what you do or what happens." It does not matter what horrible thing he could do or get into, I will still love him with the same intensity that I do now. Now, I will grieve for what he is doing, if it is hurting himself or others, but I will still love him and will always welcome him home and take him in when he needs it.. My greatest fear is that something terrible could happen to him (or his sister, of course), and when he is naughty, I am afraid he is heading down the path of bad decisions, which would eventually mean self-harm.
In the same way, we are all God's children. I don't mean all Evangelists or all Methodists, or even all Christians. He made all of us and wants the best for all of us, no matter how far we run in the other direction or blatantly disregard his rules that he set to keep us safe (don't jump on the couch, don't hit your sister, don't drink rubbing alcohol). But he did offer us the option of not accepting him. I really really don't want my son to say, "Mom, I'm moving to Australia because I hate you and I never want to see you again." It would absolutely just kill me if he did that, but I would have to let him. He is a person separate from me with a mind of his own. But you had better believe that the moment he returns to the States, shows up at my house and asks for a hug or just a handshake, I sure the heck would let him.
God loves us as his own children. He will always, always take us in, no matter what. Even if all we are ready for right now is a handshake, God will take us up on that.
Mark 2:13-17 (The Message Bible)
Later Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become his followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: "What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riffraff?"
Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit."
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Book Review: Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book
For those of you who may find yourself suddenly out in the real world or perhaps newly married only to find that neither of you cook, I have a life saver for you! Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book (each edition since the 50's has been dubbed new) will teach you how to fry eggs, mash potatoes, cook noodles and then when you're ready, Pork with Fennel and Pancetta. 
I like to see what I'm cooking before I go to all the effort, so I like all the pictures. Also helpful, it tells you how long it's going to take to prepare and cook the meal, and that there are 522 calories in one slice of pecan pie... or maybe you didn't want to know that. So, forget that last perk... This book includes easy recipes for crock pots and bread machines for those of us who would like to save some time. Each chapter has informational tutorials on kitchen appliances and ingredients and how they are used. And if you started making something and realize you don't have an ingredient, there is a list of "Emergency Substitutions" in the back. Another thing that is good for, the list tells you how much onion powder is equivalent to one whole onion and similar substitutions.
Family favorite recipes that I have laminated in the book (because this book is a binder, pages can be removed, so I took advantage) are Coffee Cake Muffins, Biscuits Supreme, Oven-Fried Parmesan Chicken, GarlicChicken Stir-Fry with Cashews, and Pecan Pie, of course.
By the way, those pictures aren't actually from the book they are just what I could find online that look similar to the recipes mentioned. Mmmm... I think I'm going to make Parmesan Chicken later! Salty!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Baby Steps to the Bond
My husband found a book just for him when we learned we were expecting our first. The New Father, by Armin A. Brott had lots of interesting information on a dad's perspective when it comes to the first year of baby's life. One insight in particular was a huge eye-opener for me:
My Baby Doesn't Love Me
For about the first six to eight weeks of life, you're baby won't give you much feedback on how you're doing as a father: he won't smile, laugh, or react to you in any noticeable way. In fact, just about all he will do is cry. This can result in your feeling unloved and, surprisingly often, feeling a need to "get even" with the baby by deliberately withholding your own love.
As the grown-up, it's your job to nip this destructive cycle in the bud...
I guess I've just taken for granted that newborns generally are more comforted by mother. From a dad's perspective, it probably would look a lot like favoritism or even hatred for him. I can't imagine how horrible that must feel! Now I understand a bit better the aloofedness some dads can have toward their kids. It just hurts too much to stare it in the face.
In the book, Brott goes on to say that babies at this stage are not capable of showing love. May I take it a step further and say that they are incapable of feeling love? Babies want to be comfortable. Anything can upset that: hunger, wetness, temperature, etc. Even smells make the list. Baby has been with Mom for nine months more than Dad already, so it really isn't fair. They want to hear Mom and smell Mom because that's comfortable, that's their "normal." Dads have to start from ground zero.
However, it's still a lot like any other relationship. Reach out to shake hands and awkwardly introduce yourself. Admit it, even you are uncomfortable with a new person. Like with anyone, adults, kids, and now this strange new crying thing, you have to take the first step to obviously show that you like/love them in order for them to be comfortable around you. Once you get past the first few months of "getting to know you," I think you'll find that kids will latch on to anyone who is willing to talk to them or even get on the floor to play.
As a side note, I think this confusion can happen with moms, too. In the same chapter, Brott points out, "If you havn't established an instant bond with your baby, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, in a study by Kay Robson and Remesh Kumar, 25 to 40 percent of new parents--mothers and fathers--admitted that their first response to the baby was 'indifference.' " When I first met my kids, I thought they were beautiful. It was not until after endless horrible screaming nights and lengthy days of feeding and cuddling, that I could say I felt a strong bond. These things take time and work and pressing on. To that I say, perhaps there is a greater purpose to all that crying.
My Baby Doesn't Love Me
For about the first six to eight weeks of life, you're baby won't give you much feedback on how you're doing as a father: he won't smile, laugh, or react to you in any noticeable way. In fact, just about all he will do is cry. This can result in your feeling unloved and, surprisingly often, feeling a need to "get even" with the baby by deliberately withholding your own love.
As the grown-up, it's your job to nip this destructive cycle in the bud...
I guess I've just taken for granted that newborns generally are more comforted by mother. From a dad's perspective, it probably would look a lot like favoritism or even hatred for him. I can't imagine how horrible that must feel! Now I understand a bit better the aloofedness some dads can have toward their kids. It just hurts too much to stare it in the face.
In the book, Brott goes on to say that babies at this stage are not capable of showing love. May I take it a step further and say that they are incapable of feeling love? Babies want to be comfortable. Anything can upset that: hunger, wetness, temperature, etc. Even smells make the list. Baby has been with Mom for nine months more than Dad already, so it really isn't fair. They want to hear Mom and smell Mom because that's comfortable, that's their "normal." Dads have to start from ground zero.
However, it's still a lot like any other relationship. Reach out to shake hands and awkwardly introduce yourself. Admit it, even you are uncomfortable with a new person. Like with anyone, adults, kids, and now this strange new crying thing, you have to take the first step to obviously show that you like/love them in order for them to be comfortable around you. Once you get past the first few months of "getting to know you," I think you'll find that kids will latch on to anyone who is willing to talk to them or even get on the floor to play.
As a side note, I think this confusion can happen with moms, too. In the same chapter, Brott points out, "If you havn't established an instant bond with your baby, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, in a study by Kay Robson and Remesh Kumar, 25 to 40 percent of new parents--mothers and fathers--admitted that their first response to the baby was 'indifference.' " When I first met my kids, I thought they were beautiful. It was not until after endless horrible screaming nights and lengthy days of feeding and cuddling, that I could say I felt a strong bond. These things take time and work and pressing on. To that I say, perhaps there is a greater purpose to all that crying.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I Know What I'm Doing
On a park outing a few weeks ago, I came upon a woman who seemed to have a bit of magic up her sleeve. She was thin, fashionable, smiling, and not constantly yelling orders to her five children. Not five like, first she had three, then 6 years later decided to have a couple more. She had in her double stroller a new sleeping infant, a not-so-terrible two, and on the playground playing nicely were a four-year-old, 5-year-old, and 7-year-old. This is my chance! I thought. I'm going to glean from this woman any advice she's willing to share.
I started up a conversation and eventually said, "My two-year-old has started talking back and saying things like 'Don't you talk to me like that, Mom.' " I laughed like this is some kind of great joke and she just smiled and noded. "Did you ever deal with that at all?" I pushed a little further.
"Yeah." Then she helped a child with a swing and came back. Conversation ended.
Nothing! It's almost as if she didn't want to step on my toes. But it's true, most moms take offense at any advice no matter how simple or complex.
It is so overwhelming when that first child is born, everyone else has their idea of how you should raise it. And everyone's idea is completely different, yet unwavering in confidence. Why is that? How can there be so many ways to correctly raise a child? Well obviously there aren't. My way is the correct way, the only way, and everybody else is off their rocker. Am I right? I think that every parent has to believe this, in order to make it through and maintain some semblance of sanity. If I don't believe that I know what I'm doing, then I will break down into tears for fear of failing my child.
We are forced to be strong and carry on. So, for the sake of parents everywhere, if you ever run into a new parent who is downing coffee and won't admit that their child doesn't sleep at night, just smile warmly and say "You're doing a good job. It does get easier."
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