More than ten years ago in high school, I had a teacher ask the class to write a list of where they expected to be in ten years. Naturally, I wrote down married, have successful job, own a home, have at least two kids, two new cars, and a dog. Everything would be figured out, all decisions would have already been made, I would be settled.
All throughout grade school, people tell kids that they can do anything they want to if they just work hard enough and never give up. That may be true in some cases, but there's always the artist who really wants to see Mars, or the mild-tempered sweetheart who wants to be a lawyer. Sometimes these things just won't happen. One huge factor left out when people say to "reach for the stars" is personal values. Each person has a hierarchy of values that sometimes make other things more important than dreams.
For instance, I have wanted to start a business probably since sixth grade. In seventh grade I was drawing up plans and figuring costs to start a coffee shop, formal wear store, summer camp, etc. Then after college I had a short internship where my eyes were opened: I would have to be there at the business for at least 12 hours a day, I would have to do customer service, and I would be doing a job that most people get paid maybe $10 an hour for, only instead owe the bank several thousand dollars. My dad once said to me, "owning a business isn't for everyone, some people like to clock out at 5:00 and head home." At the time, I thought, those are silly people! But now that I've been out in the world for awhile, I realize that I place great value in being able to go home and have down time.
I think a better exercise to give kids direction would be to make a list of values. Now, in high school, those may not be figured out yet, but it sure doesn't hurt to do it now! Here is what I wrote down for my list of highest values:
1. Free time/Family time every day.
2. Ability to be a stay-at-home Mom while my kids are young.
3. Nearness to extended family.
4. Ability to put my creativity to use on a regular basis.
5. Feeling useful and fulfilled in my job and at home.
6. Ability to help someone somehow.
What do you value the most?
Ah...I wish someone would have told me this before I opened a coffee shop! ;) At least I still get to have the kids with me! But I totally agree with the "you can do whatever you want" saying...anymore I am afraid I may not be giving them a realistic view of life if I tell them that. Emmett asked me if he could be an astronaut the other day...I was like...ummm, well, maybe...if you work really, really hard at it...what do you tell them? I don't really want to crush his dreams, but I also would like to help shape his values and what is really important in life...how do you explain all this to a 3 year old? *Sigh*
ReplyDeleteI think when my kids ask questions like that, I will say something like you said, it takes a lot of work. But also you have to really love what you are doing and dedicate your whole life to it. You will be in school forever and will have to sacrifice pretty much everything for it--family, free time, spending money! Eventually, you will have money, but probably never free time or family time.
ReplyDeleteIt's not necessarily crushing their dreams, but I will tell them what is really involved in reaching for them.
An American citizen is apparently about four times more likely to be struck by lightning than to become an astronaut. For what it's worth.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.lightningsafety.com/nlsi_pls/probability.html
http://www.jsc.nasa.gov/Bios/astrobio.html
http://www.census.gov/main/www/popclock.html
I may or may not tell Emmett that. :P Haha I think a simple "that sounds fun!" might work while he's still three.
ReplyDeleteAhahahahah! Yes...I might have to save that link/comment for a later date! I am sure he will have an array of different dreams before a comment like that might be necessary...however I am pretty sure I will, now, never forget that statistic! Thank you for doing the legwork btw!
ReplyDelete